Competition
by ianii
Summary: Yoruichi is a player, Urahara gets unusual visitors. Lots of cracklove. YoruichixUrahara, YoruichixByakuya, YoruichixSoi, YoruichixIchigo, and undertones of IchigoxRukia. Whoo!


A/N: Yeah hi. So I got to thinking, and I realized that Yoruichi almost has the most fandoms _ever_, and the only other person having almost the same amount of fandoms would be like. Ichigo. Who is the main character, and therefore doesn't count. And I thought it would be funny to write this. And so I did. Enjoy!

P.S.: I love writing Byakuya as a dork on the inside, I just don't get enough chances to exercise this right. Also, 'kenseikan' are those things in Byakuya's hair. They mean that he's noble.

* * *

Urahara Kisuke, funny hat and all, lost a bet. He, the former captain of 12th Division, who invented a number of different inventions that made him walk the dangerous fence of the law, and eventually _did_ get thrown out because of them. He was a renowned genius! Nobody denied it! 

But the fool lost a bet.

He claimed to lose it intentionally, not that anybody believed him. Losing a bet to Jinta and Ururu was not something he needed on his reputation, so he made up the quickest lie that was on top of his head.

Yet another thing the former captain should have gotten right. The lie he came up with was in no way as smart as it should have been.

So here he was, in front of his shop, sweeping. Doing _their_ chores. So this is what he was reduced to.

"Urahara."

He had been humming something as he swept up the debris, but stopped abruptly and turned around, genuinely surprised by who came visiting. "Byakuya-san?"

The stony-faced noble did not reply immediately, opting instead to look over Urahara's person. _So this is what he is reduced to?_ Byakuya thought. _An inverted captain's coat, clogs, and a funny hat? _Not that Kuchiki Byakuya would laugh at anything, of course. He was too high up to do something of that kind.

"What brings you here, Byakuya-san?" Kisuke asked, putting the broom to the side. "Would you like to taste some medicine the Tessai made? I don't think it works right. It's expired and all, and I just wanted a second opinio-"

"Where is Shihouin?"

"Yoruichi-san?" Kisuke put a finger to his stubble-y chin, debating whether or not to tell him. He decided not to. "Why?"

The wind blew a couple of stray leaves across the blacktop in front of the shop. Kisuke muttered a few choice words under his breath about having _just_ swept them up. Meanwhile, Kuchiki took his antics as an excuse to choose his _own_ words. They would be vital in keeping his nobility's reputation in order. Those kenseikan were there for a reason, damn it!

"I have business with Shihouin," He decided to say, standing tall and looking foreboding.

Urahara could have sworn he had a little tinge of pink on his cheeks in contrast to the usual pale, but he didn't have a chance to comment on it, for there was an interruption in the not-so-fruitful conversation _yet again_.

"Byakuya?" Ichigo was astounded. "What are you doing here?"

_It's Byakuya-_san_ or Byakuya-_sama_ or _something_, please_, Byakuya cursed, silently. "I am here for business, Kurosaki."

"That's grand," Said Ichigo, chewing sideways on some complex kind of sandwich, complete with potato slices and chocolate bits. Compliments of Orihime, probably. "But Sandal-hat'll give you a terrible deal. I wouldn't go into business with him, if I were you, Byakuya."

_Byakuya_-sama_, you little brat. _"Not with _that_; with Shihouin." He refused to acknowledge that Urahara was a person.

"Ahhh, Kurosaki-kun!" Urahara just near-shouted. "What a surprise! And what are you gracing us with a visit for? So many customer- I mean, guests we have today!"

"You're here for Yoruichi-san?" Ichigo echoed, staring at Kuchiki. Urahara was blatantly ignored once again. "What for?"

"I have business with her," the captain said through clenched teeth.

"That's funny," Ichigo said, "I do, too! Hey, Sandal-hat."

"Yes?"

"Where is Yoruichi-san?"

"Addicted to her since she stripped in front of you, eh, Kurosaki-kun?" Urahara said smugly. And, most importantly, he spoke _loudly._

"Bluh-but-_wha?_ What are you talking about, Sandal-hat? Hehehh…"

This caught Byakuya's attention. "She bared her flesh to you?" There was fire smoldering in his eyes.

Kurosaki jumped at being addressed by him, and stuttered some more. Though it should be said that he stuttered quite gracefully. "I uh, well, it is… Um… She did, but it's not that, I mean, all I want is to have… some… training? Training. I need to be trained some more."

Still, he was stared at suspiciously.

Urahara spoke gleefully again. "Training to impress dear Kuchiki Rukia-chan, no doubt, yes?"

"Uh, oh, yeah, of course!" Ichigo said, enthusiastically, not really paying attention to what was being said.

He only realized after Byakuya's glare intensified sevenfold at the mention of both his sister and Yoruichi in basically the same sentence.

_Damn, he's just trying to get me into trouble, isn't he? _"N-not in that kind of way, I swear!"

Meanwhile, a shadow lurked in the trees above. Dark, choppy hair and two long hair wraps hung down over her shoulders as she observed the three people below. _So she's not here, eh? Yoruichi, where did you go?_

"Are you out cavorting with a member of the respected Kuchiki household?" Kuchiki Byakuya was asking of Ichigo, whilst Urahara, that scumbag, was standing by grinning like a loony.

"Ne, Byakuya-san, don't you think you're taking it too hard on Kurosaki-kun?" He said, adjusting the striped hat on his head. More and more leaves were appearing on the sidewalk while he was ignoring his newfound duties. Urahara drummed his fingers on the side of the broom while Ichigo stuttered some more. Someone else was here. Moments later, the sly grin returned to his face.

Soi Fon didn't like that look, but she knew he could tell she was there. He wasn't head of the Science and Research Department for nothing. _I should get out of here now, and go find her. It's too much of a risk staying here with him around._

"Ooooh, Kisuke, you have many visitors today!"

She paused before leaving at the familiar voice resonating in her ears.

"Yoruichi-san!" Urahara cried, theatrically throwing a fan in front of his face. "I've suddenly become so popular, that even the prodigy, the noble, and the head of the Secret Mobile Corps, too!"

Soi Fon cursed to herself silently.

"Popular, huh?" Yoruichi said, amused. She grinned around at all the 'visitors'.

"Secret Mobile Corps…?" Ichigo repeated, then snapped his fingers. "Oh! Soi Fon is here too?"

"As usual, Ichigo is clueless."

"I'll kill that stupid cat."

"You'll do no such thing," Soi Fong snapped after dropping out of the trees.

Urahara started to laugh behind his fan. "Lovely, lovely. But I have some terrible news, Yoruichi-san. I lied. All three came here for you."

She folded her arms and turned around to look at them all standing around silently, waiting to see which of them she'd choose to spend her time with. She gave them a considering, thoughtful look, and shifted her weight to one foot.

"If I may give a suggestion as to who to go with-"

"Unnecessary, Kisuke," She cut him off. "I have things to do."

Her raised his eyebrows, invisible beneath the brim of his hat. "Oh?"

"Ichigo, I'm sure you can figure it out yourself, if you try hard enough. Soi, I promise I'll visit you tomorrow," She turned to Kuchiki, who was standing the furthest away, not wanting to associate himself with the run-down store. "And Byakuya-bo, I can still beat you in tag. A thousand years couldn't change that, and I just played with you last week."

"But-"

"No, Ichigo, I've something else to do today. It's in my planner." She spun around again, this time facing the store, and Urahara, who was leaning on his broom. "I already told you that you could figure Rukia out."

"Tch."

She grabbed Urahara's collar and stalked off towards the doors to the shop. She called over her shoulder in a sing-song voice, "Well, g'bye, kids!"

Urahara Kisuke dropped the broom and allowed himself to be dragged over the blacktop surface with a pleasant and blissful smile. They left the remaining three people in a silence, the type of silence reserved for people who were just rejected.

"Fine, be that way, Spandex Girl!" Ichigo yelled after her angrily after a few moments. He watched the closed doors, and then turned around to leave.

Byakuya interrupted his walking away. "So it's true, then? About Rukia?"

Ichigo instinctively flinched and made an '_erk'_ noise.

"Oh, shut up," Soi Fong told the two of them, disgusted.

"You will not tell me what to do," _Kenseikan,_ Byakuya thought, _Kenseikan are there for a reason!  
_

"Shove it, you're just jealous 'cause she said she'd come see me—_tomorrow._"

Kuchiki Byakuya fought back the urge to say 'am not,' and Kurosaki Ichigo managed to slip away unnoticed.


End file.
